At 1:30 a.m. Sunday morning on the 8000 block of Woodward near Detroit’s New Center neighborhood police say two men robbed a gas station and stole three boxes of honey buns after the suspect backed off the security guard at gunpoint.
The internet news caterpillar that eats a story on one end and spits it out on the other after almost every outlet has had a chance to spin up their own version is in full effect.
The headlines wrote themselves today, with basically the same story:
“Sticky fingered robbers swipe honey buns in Detroit armed robbery” said Fox 2.
“Sweet-Tooth Robbers Strike In Detroit, Make Off With Honeybuns” said CBS Detroit.
“Armed robbers steal honey buns from gas station, somehow become heroes” said Metro Times.
And the first story from ClickOnDetroit: “Armed robbers take honey buns from Detroit gas station.”
However, here’s an interesting fact you may not have known – Honey Buns are prison currency. Per the what’s now known as the Tampa Bay Times:
Honey buns — so puffy! — have taken on lives of their own among the criminal class: as currency for trades, as bribes for favors, as relievers for stress and substitutes for addiction. They’ve become birthday cakes, hooch wines, last meals — even ingredients in a massive tax fraud.
In Michigan, a dispute over Honey Buns had deadly consequences:
For all their sweetness, honey buns have a history of involvement in prison violence. In 2006, at the Kent County Jail in Michigan, inmate Benny Rochelle dragged his cell mate off the top bunk, killing the man, when he could not find his honey bun.
In the Florida article, Honey Buns went for $1.08 in jail. Outside, you can pick up a case of Honey Buns from Sam’s Club for $5.98 that has 18. That’s a helluva markup.
The honey buns end up serving as a substitute for many things, such as addictions, wine for celebrations, and more.
And it’s not all bad news. Honey Buns were used to pay lawyers for their services for freedom from death row.
A Virginia inmate named George Alec Robinson was facing the death penalty, but due to the work of his attorneys was spared that fate. As the above-cited Prison Legal News recounted, he paid his lawyer with the only currency he had — honey buns. His lawyers told Prison Legal News that they appreciated the gesture and that “the [honey buns] were good, too.”
Now, there’s no evidence at this point that the Honey Buns in question were in fact stolen for the purpose of prison currency, but it sure is an interesting fact.
But wouldn’t it be sweet irony if someone who committed armed robbery ended up visiting someone to give them the sweet goods and got arrested?
And it should go without saying – committing armed robbery for three boxes of Honey Buns is totally absurd, not to mention armed robbery is a really, really bad life choice and a horrible thing to do to people. Nor are they “heroes.”
As of this writing, the suspects are still on the loose and there are no pictures, but police have released the following description:
The suspects escaped in a gray Honda 2-door with a temporary tag sticker in the back window.
WANTED:
Suspect # 1 – Black male, 5’11”, 150 lbs., dark brown complected, wearing a black t-shirt, dark shorts, armed.
Suspect # 2 – black male, 5’7″, 165 lbs., clean shaven, medium afro, light complected, wearing a white t-shirt, beige “Dickie” pants.